Are you “person A” that constantly just says YES at to your manager regardless to the tasks you have on your plate?
Are you “person B” that struggles to kick back because you want to make a great impression or not let the side down?
Are you “person C” that fears saying no to your team when it all gets a bit too much?
I’ve been there. I feel you. But let me ask you, why haven't you said no? When it all gets a bit too much why haven't you said no? What is the big fear you are holding onto?
If you are either Person A, B or C (i.e people pleasers at work) then maybe it's worth continuing to read what I have to say about you in the work environment.
In this blog/article I am going to be talking about the WHY, the EFFECTS and the WORKAROUNDS you can start to implement to get you out of this mess.
Why do we people please at work?
The most common reasons are because of:
Job security
Promotion and progression
“Right thing to do”
Job Security
People are fearful that they could be made redundant or told to leave if they are seen not be pulling their weight in the office space. If expectations aren't being met it creates the sense that you aren't good enough and they might let go of you.
It can force people to go above and beyond to ensure they aren't tossed aside.
There are bills that need to be paid. There are mouths to feed at home. This is my only source of income.
So this fear isn't really a bad thing when you weigh it up against the possibilities of if they terminate your contract. But this is a scary place to be in because what happens when your effort levels then become the new norm?
What happens when despite your efforts to date, this is now something you have to do day in and day out and you don't get that break and separation from work that you rightfully deserve?
Is this then fair?
Promotion and progression
People sometimes bend over backwards and then a bit more to ensure they are in the good books for promotion and to get that new role they have applied for. It highlights that they are a good team player and are committed to the cause but when do we stop think “at what expense is this then worth it?”
It makes sense to want to progress in a manner you are able to grow and learn within your career and obtain new responsibilities and to earn a better pay cheque but at what cost?
It goes back to my last point, if you are grafting away to get this promotion, what happens when this becomes the new normal but your personal life has taken a different turn and your energy levels cant match what it was you used to do?
Does this then create a toxic headspace for you and your future at the company?
What happens when you do everything and they turn around and say, “due to restructuring we’re freezing promotions” or even worse “youre not ready for promotion”. How do you feel then?
Right thing to do
Im all for being a team player. I used to call myself the ultimate team player! It was ingrained within me culturally to be available to assist. I was willing to help and really add value, but there then became a point where I would do this because it was something I wanted to do versus it being the right thing to do.
Forever trying to impress people I didn’t get on with or people who I felt disrespected me and my work was an equation that was never going to add up, so I took the initiative to politely say no.
Yet so many people still do this because it's deemed the right thing to do and they cant say no.
Is this you?
Lets dig deeper into what happens to you personally when you people please at work.
The effects of people pleasing at work: A Recipe for Burnout and Decline
People-pleasing at work might seem harmless at first—saying "yes" to every request from colleagues and managers in an effort to be helpful and agreeable. However, the long-term effects of always accommodating others can be incredibly damaging, leading to burnout, stress, and various mental and physical health issues.
Burnout
One of the most immediate consequences of people-pleasing is burnout. It’s a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress. When employees are constantly trying to meet every demand, they often overextend themselves. Be honest do you feel burned out when it comes to work? If so have you spoken to someone about it?
Stress
Stress becomes a constant companion for people-pleasers. The pressure to always be available, deliver on tasks, and meet others' expectations means they rarely have time to recharge. This persistent stress can manifest as feelings of anxiety, frustration, or overwhelm, eventually leading to more serious mental health effects such as anxiety disorders and depression.
Research shows that employees who can't set boundaries or say "no" are significantly more likely to experience these issues. They feel trapped in a cycle of overcommitment, leading to mental exhaustion that hinders creativity and clear thinking.
Now stress at work is one thing but what happens when this stress that is formed at work starts embedding it self into other things in your personal life? What happens when it latches onto you and plays a part in your relationships?
Have you considered it from this angle yet?
Performance
People-pleasers often experience a decline in performance.
If you 5 tasks that need to be done today, each task is going to require 20% of your focus and energy. If you add more tasks to that plate, you place less focus percentage decreases which if not handled properly could result into diminished focus and lower quality work.
In simpler terms, you know you have to get this presentation completed alongside filing another report and getting the standard weekly tasks over the line by close of play.
The likelihood is with the additional tasks and with the lack of time you are going to rush and produce something not up to the standard you would like if you had more hours and energy to complete them.
Tell me if I’m wrong? And then you look bad when it now comes across you cant handle extra responsibility.
Job Satisfaction
When it comes to job satisfaction, people-pleasing can quickly erode any sense of fulfillment. Employees who habitually overcommit and feel unable to say "no" to additional responsibilities often experience a disconnect between their job roles and their true capabilities.
Instead of feeling empowered by their work, they feel overworked and undervalued. This eventually leads to disengagement, with people-pleasers becoming less satisfied and motivated, and more likely to consider leaving their job in search of a more balanced environment.
Physical health decline
Talking about stress earlier, its clear to state it can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, fatigue, digestive issues, and even long-term problems like cardiovascular disease. Employees who can't set boundaries at work may find themselves sacrificing sleep, skipping meals, or neglecting exercise, all of which contribute to declining physical health.
What happens when you consume the wrong foods because you've told yourself your’e not allowed to leave the office on time?
What happens when you dont get enough hours in to sleep and recover?
Very often people dont look at the long term ramifications this can raise in regards to the physical health challenges.
Work life balance
Finally, the most striking consequence of people-pleasing at work is the lack of work-life balance. People-pleasers often feel compelled to be available around the clock, blurring the lines between professional and personal time. Working on weekends and days off. Taking your work with you on your holidays to answer emails.
This lack of boundaries leads to longer working hours, missed personal commitments, and a deteriorating quality of life outside of work. Without a clear division between work and rest, employees are left with little time to recharge, leading to further stress and burnout.
People-pleasing at work comes at a high cost, negatively impacting both the employee's mental and physical well-being, as well as their ability to perform effectively and find satisfaction in their role. Setting boundaries and learning to say "no" are essential for preserving both personal and professional health.
So what can you start doing?
Practical Steps to Stop People-Pleasing at Work: Regaining Control and Protecting Your Well-Being
One of the most effective methods is to create boundaries in advance. By setting clear limits on your availability and workload, you can prevent overcommitting before it happens.
Boundaries might include specifying times of day when you’re available for meetings or limiting the number of projects you can take on at once.
Having these guidelines in place will help you feel more confident when determining what you can reasonably handle. Its very easy to get lost in your commitments at work but don’t let that effect the important priorities you hold outside of work, i.e. family, kids, relationships, and heath etc.
Another key strategy is to practice saying "no" freely. This can feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a critical skill for managing your workload and mental well-being. Saying "no" doesn’t have to be negative or dismissive. You can express it in a professional and thoughtful way by offering alternatives or explaining your current capacity.
For instance, saying, "I’d love to help, but I’m currently focusing on other priorities. Can we revisit this later?" shows that you’re open to collaboration but also realistic about your time and energy. If you haven't adopted this yet - why not trial it out? What is there to lose?
In addition, having check-ins to discuss challenges is an important habit to cultivate. Regular one-on-one meetings with your manager or team can provide a safe space to share obstacles, concerns, and progress. If you are reporting into someone, highlight this as something you want moving forward.
These conversations are a great opportunity to clarify priorities and ensure that you’re focusing on the most critical tasks. They also allow you to flag any potential roadblocks before they become major issues, enabling you to adjust your workload accordingly. We stay honesty is the best policy, so be honest if you have any challenges. Remove the narrative of being deemed weak if you cant meet what is required.
Finally, maintaining constant communication across the team is crucial for preventing last-minute changes or unrealistic demands. Keeping people in the loop ensures that everyone is on the same page regarding projects, timelines, and responsibilities. It forces the team to think outside of the box versus there standard job requirements, it allows people to chime in should extra support be required and you feel included.
This open line of communication can help avoid misunderstandings and ensure that tasks are distributed more evenly. By fostering a culture of transparency and collaboration, you’ll be less likely to feel pressured by sudden requests or tasks that fall outside your role.
Incorporating these strategies into your work routine can dramatically reduce the pressure to people-please, allowing you to protect your mental health and perform at your best. By setting boundaries, learning to say no, managing deadlines, engaging in regular check-ins, and promoting clear communication, you can regain control over your workload and find a healthier balance between helping others and protecting your own well-being.
If this is something you are struggling with book in a call using the link below and lets see if we can start making a difference
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